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Author Topic: How NOT to Cook Ribs  (Read 566 times)

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Canadian John

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How NOT to Cook Ribs
« on: June 12, 2019, 07:32:15 AM »
 I was out back attending to a pork shoulder on my Memphis when I noticed my next door neighbour starting up his pit. In a friendly way I asked what he was about to cook. The reply was, "ribs, they are in

the slow cooker right now". I just didn't have the nerve to tell him what he was missing by cooking ribs like that...He's a young fellow that recently started cooking on his charcoal/gas pit about a year ago. He

insists on doing things his way and rarely asks for help, cooking or otherwise. I just cant imagine what the ribs must have tasted like. Oh well, to each his own.

 Last year I showed him several charcoal cooking techniques that would allow cooking almost anything on his pit that I thought would help. Even lent him a grate thermometer that he returned weeks later

with a note saying thanks for the use of the" timer". Must be some of us are not meant to cook.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2019, 02:24:43 PM by Canadian John »
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Brushpopper

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2019, 09:24:55 AM »
Years ago my family and I were vacationing in Bandera, TX, at a condo of some sort.  My dad and I were sitting outside one evening enjoying a cold beer and we watched two ladies getting ready to cook hamburgers on one of the charcoal grills at the place.  They had a herd of small children they were going to feed and we figured it would turn into a rodeo.  One of the ladies put the entire bag of charcoal in the grill and cut the bag lengthwise in the middle and cross ways at both ends to expose the charcoal.  She then squirted at least half of the container of charcoal lighter on the charcoal and lit it with the bag still surrounding the charcoal.  Immediately the burgers went on while she was screaming at the kids to come and get it because the burgers were almost done.  We had to go inside because we were laughing so hard they started looking at us.  We couldn't see what was going on from inside, but I bet the burgers had a unique taste.
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Canadian John

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2019, 09:39:54 AM »
Quote from: Brushpopper on June 12, 2019, 09:24:55 AM
Years ago my family and I were vacationing in Bandera, TX, at a condo of some sort.  My dad and I were sitting outside one evening enjoying a cold beer and we watched two ladies getting ready to cook hamburgers on one of the charcoal grills at the place.  They had a herd of small children they were going to feed and we figured it would turn into a rodeo.  One of the ladies put the entire bag of charcoal in the grill and cut the bag lengthwise in the middle and cross ways at both ends to expose the charcoal.  She then squirted at least half of the container of charcoal lighter on the charcoal and lit it with the bag still surrounding the charcoal.  Immediately the burgers went on while she was screaming at the kids to come and get it because the burgers were almost done.  We had to go inside because we were laughing so hard they started looking at us.  We couldn't see what was going on from inside, but I bet the burgers had a unique taste.
WOW! I cant even fathom the terrible taste. That could turn just about anyone off BBQ.
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Brushpopper

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2019, 11:13:40 AM »
My brother and sister and BIL still laugh about it when we all get together.  Like CJ said, they had to taste terrible.
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bregent

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2019, 12:03:39 PM »
My dad was not famous for his cooking - in fact, I don't recall him ever cooking anything inside - but he did run the grill for our family. When we were still kids I remember him switching from lighter fluid to an electric starter. We were impressed that it got the coals going faster. He also waited till they were ashed over before putting any food on. Light years ahead of others in the neighborhood :)
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elenis

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2019, 01:01:41 PM »
At my cousin's graduation party a number of years back my uncle lit up a bag of matchlight charcoal and within 5 minutes of it starting had burgers and hot dogs on it. Even thinking about it brings back the flavor of lighter fluid...
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Trooper

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2019, 02:16:36 PM »
OK
About 2 weeks ago my wife arrived home from the grocery with a package of "boneless pork ribs"
 HUH?
Then about 10 days ago she announced that she was gonna do the ribs and asked me fire up the gaser.
I did her a favor and had the flame going to the lowest setting.
She had them suckers on the gasser for about 20 minutes. The temp must've been 450 or so.
I just managed to keep my mouth shut and calmly waited for the upcoming fiasco.
I cannot begin to tell you how tough they were, but I just behaved and gnawed away.
We can all be certain that she won't try anything silly like that again.

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Trooper

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2019, 02:20:15 PM »
But I forgot to mention, there are those who have lit charcoal briquettes with gasoline (years back).
One must be careful when doing that.
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Clonesmoker

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2019, 03:30:58 PM »
Was at the inaugural Texas Motor Speedway just walking through the campgrounds late Saturday afternoon.  Saw a group of people trying to light a pile of wood on fire.  I could see the wood was green yet, but they soldered on trying to get it lit.  Finally the 3 gallon red plastic gas container came out and they poured away on the wood. Thankfully we saw what was about to happen and hurriedly walked at fast pace peering over our shoulder with what was about to take place.  Needless to say you would have thought we were at Cape Canaveral amount a minute into our jog! The group "had" a brand new truck parked close to the blazing inferno. The fire got so hot there for a bit that the paint on the truck started turn to gel!!  We shook our heads laughing about these weekend "fair weather fans that had never camped before in their lives!
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bregent

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2019, 03:34:24 PM »
>The fire got so hot there for a bit that the paint on the truck started turn to gel!

Probably fueled by gasoline...and alcohol :)
« Last Edit: June 12, 2019, 04:42:31 PM by bregent »
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Kristin Meredith

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2019, 03:38:09 PM »
Quote from: Trooper on June 12, 2019, 02:16:36 PM
OK
About 2 weeks ago my wife arrived home from the grocery with a package of "boneless pork ribs"
 HUH?
Then about 10 days ago she announced that she was gonna do the ribs and asked me fire up the gaser.
I did her a favor and had the flame going to the lowest setting.
She had them suckers on the gasser for about 20 minutes. The temp must've been 450 or so.
I just managed to keep my mouth shut and calmly waited for the upcoming fiasco.
I cannot begin to tell you how tough they were, but I just behaved and gnawed away.
We can all be certain that she won't try anything silly like that again.

Now Trooper, just tell Bonnie I have a fix for her.  Take those "boneless pork ribs" and put them in a roasting pan, filled about 3/4 full of half water and half vinegar and then bake in the oven at 350 for about an hour and THEN put on that gasser at 450 for 20 minutes. That's how I use to make ribs back in the "old days"! :pig:
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Brushpopper

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2019, 04:51:58 PM »
Quote from: Trooper on June 12, 2019, 02:20:15 PM
But I forgot to mention, there are those who have lit charcoal briquettes with gasoline (years back).
One must be careful when doing that.

Guilty.  As was Daddy and my brother back when we still had leaded gas.  Ain't killed me yet.  I'll still use it to light a fire if the need be.  I just won't use it to cook over.

Quote from: bregent on June 12, 2019, 03:34:24 PM
Probably fueled by gasoline...and alcohol :)

Again, guilty!   :beer:
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GREG-B

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #12 on: June 12, 2019, 08:29:39 PM »
Went to my buds house for the 4th last year.   Gassers have always been "good enough" for him although I've tried convincing him otherwise and he's pushing 70 now so it's a lost cause.  He decided to lighten the load on the 4th so he cooked the ribs on the 3rd and them put them in the oven to warm up threw them back on the gasser on the 4th.   They were probably done on the 3rd.....by the time he was finished on the 4th, he had shoe leather.  Wasn't enough beer or liquids available to wash them down.   He's my bud but he is an idiot.
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Conumdrum

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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2019, 09:00:58 PM »
I don't post about such folks.  Someone might think that you are wrong.  And it's not the best karma.  Let the ways die, and keep the comments about idiots inside your heart.  "Bless the idiots who know no better, they will find heaven in different ways, maybe better than you since they know no stoopider people and will not talk about them".  Quoted, Dave Elam, June, 2019.

At least here on the internet.  Within the local area and between friends and family, tear those idiots a new hiney and give them near beer at the local bar, since they know no difference.
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Re: How NOT to Cook Ribs
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2019, 09:51:53 PM »
Some folks get stuck in cooking habits because they like the results. My brother is an excellent all around cook but likes his ribs par boiled, then onto a charcoal pit. Having traveling the world in his military career, eating at well known spots, he still does them that way.
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