Let me begin by saying that I put this topic on another forum years ago.
I feel that I need to reflect on this once in awhile. I have found myself falling into this myself and just need to settle down a bit.
I'll do a copy and past from my files as it was written in that forum.

"I've been a member of this forum now for about three years.
Seen a lot of people come.    And I've seen a few people go. 
All in all. this has been a very wonderful place to be. Sharing recipes, tips, photos, whatever with some really great cooks. And some on this forum have become personal friends. How great is that.

Yet, every once in awhile a forum topic will get started, and for some reason or another, things start getting out of hand. And sometimes it results in hard feelings. I simply hate it when topics start getting that way. You can just feel it coming. It tastes worse to me than over smoked meat.

A recent article in the Detroit Free Press hit home in this area. It was an article by Angela Hill entitled Nastiness on the Net . In her article Angela discussed "electronic shouting matches".

Contributors to the article have said -
"You're always going to have someone who doesn't like what you do or say. But I can't believe if they were standing here looking at me they would say something so vile as they do."
"Since the dawn of electronic communication, mean people have trolled the world of the Web, taking personal jabs at total strangers about everything from politics and movie to recipes and knitting circles, making outrageous, hurtful and sometimes bullying remarks--especially under the cover of anonymity. But why do we get so mean just because we can't be seen?"
"We behave in a different way when online. It's as if you're wearing a cloak or a mask and, well, you can get away with it."
"Psychologist call it deindividuation. When in a mask or uniform or group, you cease to recognize even yourself as an individual and therefore don't see others that way, either, don't see how you're hurting someone."
Try a little kindness.
"Even Facebook has been exploring new ways to reduce online conflicts and cyber bullying with kinder, gentler language on various aspects of the site."

OK, these situations are actually very rare on our forum. But I thought I'd throw this out for everyone to read. I certainly am not pointing fingers to anyone about any comment they have made at any time.

I just want to commit myself to making my comments in a very professional manner  -
Thanks for listening."

OK Trooper, practice what you preach!

Unfortunately that indeed seems much more prevalent.
Thanks for sound advice all should heed, whether here or somewhere else.

There have been several times I thought about a nasty reply to someone who I thought was out of line or said something I thought was really stupid.  After typing it, I read it.  Decided not to post it by asking myself what I am trying to accomplish by making this reply?  Determined there was no value in starting an argument over something that wasn't going to impact my life because someone else was acting stupid.

There have been several times I thought about a nasty reply to someone who I thought was out of line or said something I thought was really stupid.  After typing it, I read it.  Decided not to post it by asking myself what I am trying to accomplish by making this reply?  Determined there was no value in starting an argument over something that wasn't going to impact my life because someone else was acting stupid.

+1, I've encountered this situation several times recently on this site. When I'm tempted to do this, I always remind myself of what Bambi's mother said to thumper.

There have been several times I thought about a nasty reply to someone who I thought was out of line or said something I thought was really stupid.  After typing it, I read it.  Decided not to post it by asking myself what I am trying to accomplish by making this reply?  Determined there was no value in starting an argument over something that wasn't going to impact my life because someone else was acting stupid.

Same here. MANY times I've typed and asked myself, why? What am I going to gain with this response?  <delete>

That said, I fully believe that some topics need to be argued. 

Guess I am more like Vernon Johns:  "If you see a good fight...get in it"!!!   

Of course, there is no need to be nasty to pursue valid points and debate a position or belief.  But I don't shrink from it either.  Sometimes a position needs to be challenged.

Guess I am more like Vernon Johns:  "If you see a good fight...get in it"!!!   

Of course, there is no need to be nasty to pursue valid points and debate a position or belief.  But I don't shrink from it either.  Sometimes a position needs to be challenged.

You are right, but don't bring a knife to a gun fight!

When I feel the argument has become personal that's when I need to bow out. When I feel put out simply because the other does not share my perspective (and by golly I think he should!) that's when I need to shut myself down. It stops the progression toward nastiness and keeps me from proving to others that I'm just as big a dummy as they think I am.

Guess I am more like Vernon Johns:  "If you see a good fight...get in it"!!!   

Of course, there is no need to be nasty to pursue valid points and debate a position or belief.  But I don't shrink from it either.  Sometimes a position needs to be challenged.

You are right, but don't bring a knife to a gun fight!

I am more in the camp of bringing a howitzer with air support to a gun fight.

 I would say we have a well reserved site for the most part.... Interpretation plays a roll..Some of the writings could be construed as ambiguous ...There are times I have turned the other cheek or bit my tongue, to save the peace.

 A smile goes a long way!

My father used to say, "Honorable people can disagree honorably." 

I love a good debate.  Problems arise, though, when the debate degrades to personal attacks or mean-spirited language. 

A lot of our face-to-face message content is based on voice inflection and non-verbal cues, like body language, rolling eyes, shrugs and such.  They're all missing in written communication which increases the possibility of plain language being misunderstood. 

So, please, give me the benefit of the doubt.  Especially since I don't have a good emoji vocabulary.

There have been several times I thought about a nasty reply to someone who I thought was out of line or said something I thought was really stupid.  After typing it, I read it.  Decided not to post it by asking myself what I am trying to accomplish by making this reply?  Determined there was no value in starting an argument over something that wasn't going to impact my life because someone else was acting stupid.

Same here. MANY times I've typed and asked myself, why? What am I going to gain with this response?  <delete>

That said, I fully believe that some topics need to be argued. 

I wrote a nice long response to this, then deleted.

LOL

DK

PS I find enough value in this and the previous site that I do self censure not so much to keep the peace, but to not harm relationships and our community.   It's actually a selfish act. 

Thanks for this Troop!

I love the drama, I would be lying if I said otherwise...

It used to be that if you did not agree with my point of view, usually on a type of cooker, I was going to drive my view into you.  I think in the last 11 years I have mellowed on that philosophy and have tried to be more enlightened...But most people, although they will not admit it, they love controversy, or they love to at least watch it unfold!

I think we often confuse respect and tolerance...In a society with great freedom of expression I do not need to respect your view, but I do need to tolerate it, and I need to do that without hate.

When I read some of the more controversial posts, this is what I think [ Invalid Attachment ]

A reason why I use my real name...I realize it is a very common name. 

But I almost set the site up so folks had to use there first and last.  We did it for the CBBQA, had a process to make sure folks were not using a bogus name.  But then I decide since I had total control over the site, had to ANSWER TO NO ONE, and anyone on the site was 1 click away from never being on the site again, it did not matter!

"We behave in a different way when online. It's as if you're wearing a cloak or a mask and, well, you can get away with it."